Wanting to be The Biggest Loser

I'm writing this from my blackberry, so please excuse the typos or misspellings. I just have some thoughts in my head and need to lay them out so maybe I can sleep.

A few months ago Doug and I were talking about my weight. It's been a huge issue of mine, and being the great friend that he is, he was listening and offering advice. Out of the blue, he said, you should get on the biggest loser. I was taken aback. I tried looking for information on how to audition, but to no avail.

Fast forward to today and my friend Brian's facebook post about how the casting for TBL was coming to ABQ and that he was going to go. I asked him for the link and he sent it right over to me.

I think this would be an amazing opportunity for me. My weight hasn't ALWAYS been an issue, but its been an issue for a long time. I've tried on several occaisions to take better care of myself. For one summer I did the Power 90 workout and lost some weight, gained muscle and felt pretty good, until the 90 days were up. I've tried several different kinds of online and paper food journals, and joined gyms, etc. But I've always felt one thing remained the same, lack of motivation. And maybe it was more of my patience wearing out, but I just tend to give up so easily when it comes to my health. And then I feel overwhelmed and then depressed. And then I'm back to where I started from plus a few pounds.

I know that I need to make a lifestyle change, but I feel like I need guidance. Personal trainers are expensive though.and so are gym memberships and some healthy foods. That's where TBL comes in.

I haven't seen many episodes of the show, in fact I've mostly just ever seen last episodes. I do know though that they work those people HARD. And they don't let them give up. They keep pushing.

I want to be a good role model for the kids I work with every day. I want the girls that I work with to know that just because you're thin, it doesn't mean you are beautiful. Kindness and happiness make a person beautiful. And being thin doesn't necessarily mean healthy either. I just want to be healthy and feel comfortable in my own skin; something I haven't felt in a long time. And I want those kids to understand that they should be happy first with who they are, and then what they look like, and I know sometime those things go hand in hand. I'm rambling.

I know that being thinner won't solve all my problems, and I know I've been letting my weight hold me back from a whole lot of things which I could probably do no matter what, but I think auditioning for this show will be that gigantic leap into the journey I've been meaning to take for a long time.

I also hope that maybe this show will have some doctors that will help me get to the root of the thyroid/pituitary gland stuff. Maybe its PCOS, but I need to find a doctor who really is willing to look into it.

I think that's all for this very scattered blog.

Love to you tonight,
KB